She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
New channing tatum movie.
I'll bring my vibrator.
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
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