we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
I'm sorry but all I really read was "my nipples will get hard."
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
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