peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
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This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
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It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
What's your opinion on eating ass? Just looking for a yes or no
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
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