I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
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I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
can you come back were all locked out and alyssia's still inside passed out on the floor but more importantly i left a beer in there that's not finished
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He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
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