And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
i dont understand why you dont get why i love him. i opened the bathroom door and he had his penis in his right hand and a mcdouble in his left.
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
Hurricane Sex Time is the only thing iv said since it started.
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
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