that's just what I need...drunk ass people throwin hatchets in the dark.
i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
Tonight's Real World episode reinforced the well-known fact that men of any caliber can hook up with girls named "Crystal"
look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
My mom said "I saw the signs you guys were high, so I made the spaghetti"....so ya, I'd say she definitely knew
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