Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
They poked me and kept screaming "LAUGH DOUGH BOY" it's like 3rd grade all over again.
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
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