I'm already going to be stripping so like pretty much you would just be watching me. Also we're watching twilight. again.
i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
new midget porn idea. Wizard of Jizz: Munchkins Revenge
no, I didn't make it. Instead, i watched VH1 for... 13 hours? I use the question mark because I was using Flavor Flav's clocks to tell time after the first 3 hours.
I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
You have to summon your inner elephant
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
Randomize
