I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
I just watched how this is made for an hour because I was tooo high to remember what they were making. it was like a prize at the end.
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
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