what kind of vibe do I give off that a guy i've never hung out with thinks its okay to send me a picture of his ball cleavage?
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
I don't know what you're talking about. I just drank beer out of my own bellybutton by doing a backbend and letting it run down my body.
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
Randomize
