My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
From the same High Brittany who brought you such thoughts as, "Fuck, am I wearing shoes?" Comes High Brittany on a date! Stay tuned. This will be interesting.
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
false alarm, still single
Randomize
