So drunk, too bad you don't want this
yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
Robbie told me you spent 10 mins discussing the curl in his hair and that you said "with that curl in your hair, you'll go far"
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
Randomize
