community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
The slutty girl scout law, revised for halloween 10: on my honor i will try, to serve my vagina and my shot glass. To hold back friends hair at all voming moments and to live by the sluttly girl scout law.
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
just went home with a guy that made fun of me in elementary school. this blow job is not going well for him.
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
Randomize
