hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
being a senior sucks, I just started embracing my inner slutty college girl, and it's almost time to put her away...for like, ever. and i really like her.
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
Randomize
