How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
Just try to make good decisions...remember our convo we had about morals the other day?
Turn them off?
He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
but you must be fair and judge his penis by normal penis standards and not let your vision be clouded by the rare gem of a penis you have recently encountered
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
Randomize
