I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
Hey, it's Thrasher! From the hospital!
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
Randomize
