DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
he calls himself the gay cupid because he matches two guys looking to hookup on craigstlist with each other. get me out of here. please.
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
He spent ten minutes post bj, limp cock still out, in shock repeating 'best blow job ever'. So yes, yelling I am the penis queen out the car window was justified.
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