I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
Am I allowed to say that I would really enjoy blowing you again? Or does that fall into the "nothing changes between us" catagory?
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
You had a good week dude, you bought a motorcycle and a beer bong with ur parents money, missed 2 classes, and ran from security twice, good first 2 days to college
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
Randomize
