just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
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