Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
its likemy ribs anf my hesrt aew cuddlingn
Got robbed by knifepoint. Then got sympathy Bj. I might have to walk down Austin ave drunk every weekend
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
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