You know, I didn't realize this at the time, but it appears that I am being "heavily petted" by 3 grown men in that pic.
If these were biblical times then you'd be a Roman Senator.
It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
no one should ever give us hovercrafts
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
Maybe he injected his testicle?
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
That jawline could fucking have its way with me.
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
Randomize
