someone get that fucking seahorse.
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
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