Dork........ .......... .. . ...... ........... .. . ... ...... .. . .... ..... .. .... ... .......... .... . . ..... Yeah its morse code, no big deal
I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
I vaguely remember walking down the highstreet with a plate of K offering lines to passers buy. I sold a line to a taxi driver.
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
Randomize
