Ok so serious question: if one wanted to say the plural of mongoose, would it be mongooses or mongeese?
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
Actually some of the best sex I've had involved a lot of laughing.
How small IS your cock?
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
They are going to name an STD after you.
You're right, I'd say my real all time low was when I let that fifteen-year-old feel my boob.
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
Randomize
