I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
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