OMFG BINX FROM HOCUS POCUS IS MCGEE IN NCIS!!!!!!!! most. epic. realization. ever.
I was so high i believed someone when they told me le moyne beat syracuse
Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
He got cut off by the bartender. So he kept buying people drinks of they would i get him a drink. Before you know it him and 8 people were outside the bat trying to get people. To by them drinks
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
Randomize
