The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
im probably the most hungover person watchin icarly right now
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
Randomize
