Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
Do u feel more socially accepted since someone else made up their girlfriend too?
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
Randomize
