All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
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I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
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