I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
Randomize
