I'm sorry but all I really read was "my nipples will get hard."
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
Randomize
