coke and sex party at dan's
im watching greys anatomy with megan...
wha-pishhh
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
THEY HAVE BEEN GOING AT IT FOR 2 HOURS AND I HEAR THEM BANGING THIS IS BULLSHIT
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
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