His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
Just make sure you put pants on
....then im not going
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
Randomize
