so...dinner was kid's cuisine and a bottle of wine. i think they go well together.
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
He got hotter. I'm offended on behalf of the rest of our graduating year.
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
Randomize
