At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
does it still count as break up sex if it's 4 months later? sorry i'm just looking for an excuse to fuck him.
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
Sorrye. The bathtuv says hi. But theresno water in it. I've wanted too tell you for the longest, but nevr could
He always takes home straight guys. He plays One Night Stand on Ledgendary Mode
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
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