I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
I say this as a friend, you would make a SPECTACULAR crossdresser
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
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