she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
It was like giving head to a cactus.
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
Is it ok to bone a former patient who is also a client? Since it is two negatives does that cancel and become a positive?
Randomize
