he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
it's just like freshman year of high school, with more drugs
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
also had sex in his sister's princess style bunk bed.
but you are a princess that one was appropriate.
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
We just took an Eskimo family picture.. It's pretty cute honestly
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
Randomize
