I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
I just wanted to hook up with a white guy to prove that i could go back.
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
Both our collective sex appeal dies once someone cums on a snuggie kayla
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
Randomize
