Yes. Hungover. All the boys are going wakeboarding. Boys only. I wish I was a gay guy so I could go wakeboarding but still suck dick.
doing lines of blow through a tampon applicator in the study lounge at 7am so i can finish an italian composition that was due a week and a half ago...such a good student.
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
And to think..we used to do everything sober...
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
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