haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
nothing like walking in the house at 3 am in my panties and a sheer shirt carrying a life sized cardboard dale earnhardt jr
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
I guess that's what I get for clicking on a link that says clown penis.
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
Randomize
