They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
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