hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
A French guy bit my cheek. Is that sexy there? Also had to threaten to stab the bus driver. I'm not sure I like Europe.
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
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