does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
I'd cum for enchiladas.
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
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