No, we're smoking outside. We're hot boxing the world.
having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
He was actually able to throw up in the bucket from the top bunk. im impressed.
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
Randomize
