quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
Randomize
