Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
It was actually pretty good. His cock is as fat as the rest of him and I took out my contacts so I couldn't see him clearly.
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
Randomize
