A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
the liver wants what the liver wants
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
First he fixed my gutter. Then he flogged me and fucked me. Then he bought me a new vacuum cleaner. I don't understand Daddy Dom stuff but I ain't mad at it.
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
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