feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
I wish my new phone didn't autocorrect so well. People will never experience the magic of my drunk texts because they think I'm making a coherent statement.
i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
she was masturbating to a video of herself masturbaing. She's a keeper
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
Randomize
