So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
it's sunday funday. and also, who can outslut the other day.
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
Got drunk and tried to deep fry burritos. Turns out wild turkey isn't a good replacement for vegetable oil. Nearly burned my house down.
Sober people should be as daring as drunk people more often, because honestly the fact you’ve lived so long is a sign that anything is possible.
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
Ive only just recently decided that NOT fucking you would be best for both of us.
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
I had to switch to male Siri because I could feel female Siri voice judging me for reading my sexts out loud. Also, the dude voice keeps me in the mood.
Randomize
