five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?
Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
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