The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
He also complimented my butt. High praise coming from a boob guy.
I'm glad there seems to be a general consensus regarding your ass
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
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