stalking is really helping my grade.. I followed him to a review session tonight
We just watched planet earth in marine bio. And our prof told us that was all we were doing on 420
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
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