the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
I just look at my butt and see so much potential.
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
Randomize
