If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
i wish i coudl send you meat via computure
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
Randomize