i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
It's gay pride weekend and Father's day.. So in honor of the occassions I am now BI
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
Though I do have to question why i found you and my brother passed out on his bedroom floor, no clothing between you except his tie wrapped around your dick
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
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