I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
Make me a promise>>> if you ever see the brats from that tv show NYC Prep walking around, you will trip them, and you wil throw drinks on them
i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
I was full on naked standing in his room and I just said "this isn't me" and left.
Randomize
