im surounded by vag. Like smog aound LA, i am suffocating in an atmosphere of pussy
I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
New pre-game routine....wal-mart bathrooms...quality beers for free...hallelujah
he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
Randomize
