Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
she broke up with me using backstreet boy lyrics
you deserved it if you knew it was backstreet boys.
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
You should really look at your snapstory. It has us screaming " MANSION DICK! SUCK IT! FUCK IT!" By the way im currently in a mansion and need you to pick me up
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
Randomize
