The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
and hes going back to rehab like me, so we have common interests
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
Randomize
