we went to a bar last night, drank beer in plastic cups. I took pics w/a random kid i pulled into a photobooth & i have easy mac in my purse. I belong here.
im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
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