News Flash: Turtles are cuter than Jesus.
Congrats on damning at least 10 generations of your offspring to hell with just one text message. Way to start your morning off right.
im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
planned ethnic drinking holidays while bored at work thru next may. I don't suppose you have any scots or russian in you?
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
Is it just me or does the sex still keep getting better? I wasn't crying, my eyes just watered from how hard I was cumming.
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
Is it too early in the day to ask a nipple-related question?
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
Randomize
