They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
Randomize
