Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
She said I can't embarrass her, the challenge has been set
Randomize
