Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
her boyfriend dumped her for my exgirlfriend. so filming our hookup is pretty much a definite.
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
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