We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
i was born a porn star she said
Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
I want you more than these girls want KFC
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
this morning i woke up under the kitchen table. i went to my room and there was an inflatable whale in my bed with a banana duct taped to where its penis should be. there were trails of cheez-its around my apartment and i found $67 in the crotch of my underwear. im guessing i had a very happy birthday.
i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
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